September 9th, 2022

When I get on a subject that lights up my entire being, I notice my spine straighten up and I stand/sit taller, my tone and the way I speak gets clearer... and a bit louder, my body in a way feels lighter, and I start sweating haha

These subjects include, the work of Dolores Cannon (an Arkansas native I might add), Alan Watts, Joe Dispenza, Abraham Hicks, Matias De Stefano, Jennifer AKA JK Ultra Programming on social media haha she is my soul sister for sure.  (she doesnt know me or that but I love her dedication and effort she puts into her content).  Aside from them the story of my life and the realization that everything truly and still does happen for great reason and purpose, the story of 2019, motivating & helping others, and last but not least, My Sweetie Peteie.  

Today, is all about knowing.  Using my pug companion as the main subject! Well besides me, of course. 

I believe we DEEEEP down in our soul/being/spirit/inner guidance system/conscious/intuition/gut/heart, whatever the heck you resonate with, we already know how the story plays out.  I believe we KNOW all the options, all the outcomes to those options, and that's why we have intuition or a feeling.  

I believe it to be a remembering when these instances of choice pop into our reality.  

But sometimes I get REAL confused because I believe myself to be extra sensitive to things and when I get presented with choices, I already see the value in both and there truly is no wrong way/choice. There may be an easier way, but you succeed either way.  

Failure isn't real. Failure usually involves shame, guilt and feelings of unworthiness and those 3 things are the worst feelings to feel about yourself. Learn to forive yourself and others and move forward. (therapy along with reiki/energy healing are great tools for this but be prepared for long looks in the mirror)

Sometimes our choices cause us to hurt but failure is a lesson and honestly one of the best lessons you could receive.  To me, that isn't a bad thing.  Learning is how we grow and evolve.  Big lessons = big learning.  

What you do after those big lessons are what is important.  

Anyways, I'm getting off track here. 

Back in my younger years my cousin got a pug.  First time I had ever seen a pug besides on Pocahontas.  

In that moment of seeing this little creature, I LIT UP! 

First of all I was jealous because I had always wanted my own puppy and two I didn't understand why I felt so obsessed and in that moment I knew one day I would have one.  

I loved all puppies but there was something about seeing a pug that made me feel like home. 

Life went on.  

In 2015 my partner and I got a pug, Miley.  She was my first baby! Loved her dearly. 2016 we then got her sister, Annie.  Them two were absolutely perfect for me during that time.  They kept me sane and were the reason for the smile on my face when I was in the lowest state of my being.  No one knew that though, except my partner during that time.  Bless her.  

2017 I lost both of them after we split.  I didn't fight for them.  I called myself fighting but if I truly fought I believe things would be different but something told me to let it be.  I didn't understand why I was led to let them go without a fight but one thing for certain is I trust that voice that's inside of me.  That voice enough allowed a knowing that everything would be okay.  

2018 I recieved a pug for my Birthday! I named her Mannie.  Still being in a state of depression, my new ventures in life laid a blanket on my problems and kept me afloat for new beginnings.  Mannie helped mend my broken heart from losing Miley and Annie but not even the cutest little silver pug can cure depression.  

2019 I found out my Dad had cancer.  I won't go into the details now but that is definitely a story that will have like 3 parts.  

All throughout that year I traveled back and forth from Tulsa, OK to Hope, AR to be with my Dad.  From July-September the majority of my time was in Arkansas while Mannie and my partner were in Tulsa.  

After my Dad passed I had a knowing that my life was no longer to be in Tulsa and that BIG things were coming for me.  I didn't understand it and that meant ending my relationship without warning or reason, other than a knowing.  

I told my partner we could do joint custody of Mannie, I would never do what had been done to me before.  I even volunteered to drive 5 hours to pick up and drop off Mannie.  I felt guilty and I didn't mind driving so I did that a few times until I was told that I was not welcome back to come get her.  

I understand why they did that, but Mannie was my baby.  I honestly didn't think I could handle that again, especially after just losing my Dad.  

But, that knowing filled me with as much peace as I allowed and I let it be.  

2021 I went on a solo, car camping road-trip to Montana for my birthday.  Montana was always talked about between my Dad, brother and I as we would say each year "we'll plan a trip next summer" for like 7 years.  

That trip never happened.  

So I set out, picture of Dad on the dashboard and brought him along for the ride.  

This is the cool part. 

While packing up my car to basically live in, I made room in my front seat with a dog bed.  I felt my companion so near that it was like a nesting moment, making room for them to arrive.  

Along my car ride I would look over and picture a pug as my co-pilot.  I know this may seem very strange to some people haha but I don't care. 

I noticed in my visions, my co-pilot was a light fawn color.  I was confused because due to my limited thinking, I believed my co-pilot would be Mannie.  

On my trip, in the loneliest moments, I reached out to Mannie's other keeper. They're out living the life of our dreams in their van traveling the country, with my dog - I hated that.  

After like 3 or 4 messages with no replies, one night I decided to do a cut the cord mediation to let all of them go.  To truly, deeply and completely release them.  

Little did I know this act created the space necessary for more blessings to come.  

With that, I learned the more we hang on to the past, the more we create blocks for new to come.  Blessings are always coming in but if we continue to linger in the loss - we cannot receive them.  

LITERALLY, THE NEXT DAY I'm on facebook scrolling through and I see a photo of a 6 month old light colored fawn pug needing to be rehomed.  

Typically I would prefer to get a fresh new baby because pug puppies are the cutest things on the planet but alll of that no longer mattered. 

I called my Mom immediately and told her about this dog I found online to talk through it before making an impulse decision.  

Ya see, at this moment in time, the only home I had was my Mom's house.  (due to those lessons I talked about earlier, I had landed back in AR from New Hampshire) I literally lived out of my car, but I didn't mind it.  I honestly prefer it.  Settling in one place just feels so unnatural to me.  

But anyways, call my Mom and I'm crying because my limited thinking brought up the thoughts, "I am in no place to care for a dog right now", "I don't have a job or a home for us"

I finally told her I'm not doing it,  It's irresponsible of me to bring a pet into my life.  

After I hung up the phone I wept.  

My heart broke as I denied myself a blessing.  

I look back at the post and saw it had been from the week prior with already 55 comments and a dozen shares.  I thought "she's probably already been rehomed" 

But everything in me screamed, "WRITE THE DAMN OWNER AND JUST ASK!"

So I was like "damn, okay Sarah, I'll at least ask and it will make me feel better knowing I was too late" (yes i have conversations with myself)

I write the owner and to my surprise, SHE'S STILL AVAILABLE! 

I didn't understand, there were literally 55 people before me wanting her and this post had been up a whole week before me seeing! 

I'm somewhere in Texas because for some reason while on my trip something told me it was time to come back to Arkansas after my visit to Glacier in Montana, Yellowstone, Utah, and AZ.  My plan was to go into Cali  but that knowing was like nope, go back East.  

Now I know why. 

I told the owner I could be there in 8 hours and asked if 9pm was too late.  She said no and met me that night at her local Wal-Mart in NE Arkansas.  

At the exchange, my love bug jumped into my arms and crawled up shoulder and sat behind my neck.  (she does this at vet and when she is overwhelmed, its her safe spot)

It was like a reunion and we had finally been reunited after years of searching for one another. 

I got into my car and was completely in awe and just stared at her and cried. 

Ever since that moment, we have been inseparable.  

Ever since that moment, I believe now more than ever that great things come when we let go of loss and pain.  

Ever since that moment, blessings upon blessings have been poured into my life.  

Blessings come in all forms by the way.  Most of my biggest blessings are a shift in perception.  Seeing things through a new lense.  A lense of love instead of the lense of fear/guilt/shame/unworthiness.  

It's not about the circumstances, it's about how you see them. 

Don't wait to believe it when you see it. SEE IT- FEEL IT- BELIEVE IT then you will surely see it!  It's law ;)  like when I visioned my dog in my passenger seat.  If I just looked at my empty seat with void, all I will ever experience is void.  But I believed and saw and THEN she appeared.  

Trust that knowing that is inside you.  Even if it steers you down a road of uncertainty and maybe a little pain.  What do you think the caterpillars are thinking when they wrap up in a cocoon?

You're strong enough to handle all of lifes challenges, you will be blessed immensely when you view it as a learnings rather than playing the victim. 

August 25th, 2022

I just realized the word 'currently' is a part of the MANY words used in the 'spelling' of life.  If you know, you know. 

Current = belonging to the present time. Being in progress now. (The American Heritage via google)

Current in an electrical sense is the rate at which electrons flow past a point in a complete electrical circuit. 

At its most basic, current = flow.

What another proven point that EVERYTHING is ENERGY! 

I literally jumped on here (my computer to the internet) and thought, I'll start blogging today.  As I'm going along, it asked for a heading up there and the only word or topic that came to mind was 'currently', because why not start from right now?

Then of course, because of how my mind operates, I go beyond the surface of the word and think 'holy crap' current is a state of time as well as the defining movement of electric particles! Boom, mind blown.  

Because after all, that's the essense of our human body electrical.  I won't go into a whole science or physics lesson but I'm sure you took basic biology so you understand everything, including us, are made up of electrons and protons.  

If you've watched Grey's Anatomy you have witnessed that the go-to method to bringing someone back to life involes the word 'CLEAR' while placing the paddles around someones heart and if it doesn't work then, 'charge to 200!' 

Very similar to jump starting a car, or anything else with a battery.  We are alllllll connected in this grid of life my friends! How crazy is that! 

You are actually here due to the energy that is between you and I.  You had a pull to come check out this page. 

Curiousity didn't kill the cat, IT AWAKENED THE CAT! 

Which, to be honest dying and waking up feel the exact same.  The end is the beginning.  It's the 'I am' of life the Alpha and Omega.  Ahhh, I could go on about the Universe and it's absolute infinite greatness!

Currently in my world, I am here.  While I am here I am expanding on my new venture in the finance world.  I know, I know - a hippy, free-spirit, nomad in finance?  HA, thats the best part about it.  I am a part of all things! 

When we attach outselves to certain 'labels' or 'identities' this is where we get stuck!!! Have you ever felt stuck before?? 

We don't allow ourselves to be anything other than what we believe we are.  This can look like,

"I'm a mom", I'm a dad", "I'm so and so's wife", "I'm so and so's husband", "i'm a police officier", "I'm a profressor", "I'm a grandmother", "I'm a Sergeant", "I'm a nurse", "I'm a girl", "I am a boy" ....you get my point yet?

When you place your identity in one place, or you may identify as several, you put yourself in a box.  Then when something that "doesn't sound like you" happens or arises, you shy away or shame yourself BECAUSE YOU'VE ATTACHED YOURSELF TO A CERTAIN CHARACTER.  It's okay to try new things and explore! It's ENCOURAGED! 

You have this life to be.....! 

This time here right now is a gift for you to experience it all! 

If you feel stuck, explore that! What are you denying yourself? What places are you not visiting? What adventure are you to fearful of taking? 

You're feeling stuck because it's time for you to level up!

The answer on where to go or what to do can be found within the depths of yourself.  You are just as infine as this universe is! Because honey, the universe and you are one in the same.  

You didn't come here to play small.  Playing big means you are living your truest, most authentic self.  

This looks different for everyone.  

Someone may be living their big time by running barefoot in a field of wild flowers, tangled unbrushed hair, no bra and singing in a language only their soul understands.  

Someone else's big time may be living in their mansion sipping the finest wine from a gold chalice.  

Sometimes this is the same person! YOU CAN BE IT ALL! Don't limit yourself!